I am decidedly an introvert by nature. I do love people, but I need regular solitude to keep myself energized to love the people I love. When solitude is hard to come by (say, for example, the last 4 1/2 years), my internal world becomes very skewed and everyone who matters suffers the consequences.
However true this is, sometimes I parent like an extravert. I get intimidated by long stretches of un-spoken-for time when it's just me and the kids. I start making phone calls around town: "Are you free?" "What are you guys doing this afternoon?" "Want to meet at the park?" I feel a little panicky-- what are we going to do for the next 2/4/6/whole-weekend-while-Daddy-is-gone... hours?
My best understanding of this in myself is that, since I can't get solitude with 3 kids-under-5, the next best scenario is to share the hours with a kindred spirit and her kids. And it's true that sometimes sharing the parenting journey with a friend is absolutely the best way to go. The kids are happy and entertained and the mommies have company and an extra set of hands to share some tasks.
But sometimes it's so much better for me to push through my impulse to get on the phone and plan something. When we're forced to just be together for long stretches, the kids and I find all kinds of things to do. We're not in a hurry to get somewhere, so we enjoy the luxury of time. Sure, I can read that book again. What could we do with all those acorns on our driveway? What if we try to build a block tower taller than us? (No, we are not going to watch a video. Not just yet. Talk to me in an hour.) Should we take a walk in the neighborhood? Let's see what old "new" toys I have stashed away. Should we call Nanny on the phone?
I'm sure I'll still be calling you this week (and you know who you are) to see what you're up to and if you want to meet at the park.
And I hope I'll remember to not call sometimes too, and to discover the unexpected treasure of some time spent with my kids with "nothing" to do.
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2 comments:
I so admire your creativity...but you know who to call when you run out of ideas, as I'm certainly not coming up with all sorts of clever uses for down time! :)
My problem with days like that is that I have grand schemes of getting all sort of work done around the house. In the process, I usually end up ignoring my kids, dealing with the inevitable discipline problems that come from that, getting nothing done around the house, and feeling like an all around lousy mother and homemaker by the end of the day. Maybe one day I'll learn...
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