A Trip to Target

I make an effort not to do many errands with my kids. I don't want them to spend their lives in the car, for one, but also I'd like to keep the materialistic monsters within them (and me!) tamed by limited exposure to aisles and aisles of toys-we-don't-have. Added to that, I worship efficiency. I'd rather wait until the Target list reaches 20 items and go by myself at 9 PM than...well, do what I did today.


But today, the library was closed unexpectedly. And we only had three things on the list: a birthday present for Owen, a birthday present for Opa, and a graduation gift for Grandpapa. Surely we could accomplish that, I reasoned.


10:30: We pull into our spot, negotiate the who-rides-in-the-cart-and-who-has-to-walk situation. One in the front baby spot (with none of those wimpy germ protector seats for us!), one in the basket (Mommy, will I be smushed by the presents?) and one hanging precariously onto the back. Their faces are so sweet. I wish I had my camera.


10:34: We make our first stop, the restroom. Davis takes care of business; Zoe definitely does not need to go, she says.


10:39: We breeze by the train section, full of direction and purpose. Zoe spots a crown, a pink and gold glittery thing that she really, really needs. True, it would serve to illustrate what we all know already: she is the queen. We bypass the crown.

10:42: We head for the aisle to look for Owen's birthday present. His mom, my good friend Wesley, has tipped me off about something he'd like to go with a gift his grandma will get him. I stand, dazed, on what I know is the right aisle, but I can't figure out what I'm looking for. The kids busy themselves pushing lots of buttons on various toys. Wesley is in California, so I call her husband Brian at work. He's a little fuzzy on this issue, too, so he promises to call me back after a few minutes of poking around online.


10:50: We start to look for a birthday gift for Grandpapa.


10:55: Zoe announces that does, in fact, need to go to the potty. Off we go, back to the front of the store.

10:58: On the way to the potty, Davis spots a new Cars car. He is elated. I promise him we can take a closer look on our way back.

11:00: Almost to the bathroom. Zoe retracts her previous statement. On second thought, she does not need to go to the potty. Not at all. From past experience, I know the futility of trying to force a child to go to the potty. It's kind of like the old, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." The direction of the hoped-for water flow is reversed, but the outcome is basically the same.

11:05: We check out the new Cars car. I tell Davis I will buy it and he can have it when he accomplishes a bowel movement on the toilet. (Yes, he is 4 1/2 and still refuses.) He clutches it very excitedly. A loud and detailed conversation between him and his sister ensues. It centers around the difference between "little poopies on the potty" (worth a couple of fruit snacks) and "big poopies on the potty" (worth whatever the heck will motivate it in my mind...trip to Disney World, a small European country...or, in this case, a Cars car).

11:07: Zoe stumbles across the pink and purple aisle. She is a new princess devotee, heretofore unaware of the riches of all-things-princess available to small, curly-haired girls. She is enraptured. I am simultaneously amused and repelled, not being the princess-type myself. Many items are inspected and requested. We manage to exit the aisle without the princess laptop, the princess dress-up costume, or the princess playing cards.

11:12: My friend Brian, bless his heart, calls back with very helpful information. We find the present for Owen with minimal trouble. One item down. Check.

11:14: On to find the present for Grandpapa. I realize my idea is actually really lame, but the creative juices have run dry. So I pick it up anyway.

11:16: We have to go across the store to look for Opa's gift. This means crossing the VERY treacherous waters of the school supply area. The back corner is teeming with people-- annoyed mothers, annoyed preteens, enthusastic kindergartners. Lots of all of them. We make our way through.

11:18: Zoe realizes she really does have to go to the bathroom this time. We, again, head to the front of the store.

11:20: I leave the cart with our one item, take the baby out of the cart, go find the restroom again. We wash our hands, exit, and find our cart. Now to find a gift for Opa.

11:25: We're back where I thought I would find inspiration, but none is to be found. I call my husband. It's his grandfather, after all. We review Opa's loves: wine, trains, and coffee. Maybe a book? We traipse all the way to the front corner of the store, near to where we started. No books. Davis gets hooked on the promo video in the electronics department. I give up on Opa. We'll figure it out somehow before 12:30 tomorrow when we leave for his house.

11:30: We check out with 2 of the 3 items on our list, plus the pooping incentive car. All in all, it's been a very successful trip. Let's review.

Number of tantrums=0
Number of bathroom accidents=0
Number of trips to the bathroom=2 1/2
Number of cell phone calls made or received=3
Number of well behaved, happy kids=3

Remembering why I don't shop with my kids often= priceless.